March 2011
0 posts
“for instance, why can’t Canada invite a distant branch of the British...”
– dan savage on xanax
aaaahahahaha i am dying of laughter.
i'll call out of work →
god DAMN, it’s like they’re reading my mind.
…i don’t think J appreciated it, though.
oh fuck i can’t call him J here, it’s too weird. that’s how my mom writes his name in texts.
January 2011
1 post
“…this leads to the exchange of four letters between them, in which they...”
– wikipedia article on ‘eloisa to abelard’
hmm. sounds like some letters i recently reread.
December 2010
1 post
wowwww
completely forgot about this thing.
it’s been awhile, huh. rereading my posts was like a stroll down angst lane—in a thunderstorm. it’s strange; i feel completely estranged from the passionately miserable girl pounding out those emotion-soaked words just one year ago. but then, a lot has changed since then. i have a real job, something i earned and even enjoy, my own apartment (well,...
March 2010
2 posts
UGH i don't even know
…what to do. what to say. except WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? this is never going to work. i see that now, my vision finally crystal-clear, no longer clouded over with hazy, crazy infatuation. S and i are far too similar, we’re selfish and impulsive and react in exactly the same way; that is to say, we blow up over tiny triggering things and don’t understand why the other is...
February 2010
2 posts
starálfur – sigur rós
i have so much love and...
“when i said i was a hopeless romantic, the emphasis was on the hopeless part.”
– S
oh, boy. what am i getting myself into?
January 2010
6 posts
brainspark*
edit/elaborate on this later.
sincere pleasure derived from a partner’s happiness with another as the ultimate goal of nonmonogamy; rather than tempering the squeamish remains of that instinctive, insidious jealousy via a connection with another.
*like a brainwave, but faster and smaller and more elusive.
the campsite rule →
i’m not sure why i’m compelled to post this page, aside from the fact that it’s resonating uncomfortably close to home and i need to yell that SOMEWHERE before i explode—or post it on facebook instead, which would actually probably be messier than spontaneous human combustion. i’ve been in somewhat of a brainfog all day, though, so i don’t know how much introspection...
buzzing brainclouds
tonight, i stumbled across this beautiful brilliant essay on how the internet is changing the way we think, and then i rewatched before sunrise, and THEN i had an intense two-hour phone conversation with B. and now i’ve got all these frenetic fantastical thoughts swirling around in my brain and, of course, i can’t sleep. so i’m going to try to empty out a couple onto this blank...
“i know i will not call; it’s this decision i’ve made
so i’m...”
– kevin devine
i don’t have nearly that much resolve; i’m teetering on the edge of giving in and calling B. i don’t know. what am i supposed to do here? no one ever taught me how to get over someone, much less someone who i’m still madly in love with and who tells me he loves...
re: resolute
well, so far i’m 0 for 5. fuck shit balls.
maybe i should’ve resolved instead to screw around some more—both figuratively and literally—with my love life, and my professional (ha!) life, and basically everything else. because i’m clearly excellent at that; at doing whatever i damn well want, particularly when it’s in direct violation with what that little voice in my head...
December 2009
10 posts
resolute
1. eat healthier. but seriously; like no white flour or refined sugar.
2. 100 crunches every night. no excuses.
3. make & sell more jewelry.
4. FIND A MOTHERFUCKING REAL JOB.
5. learn to be happy being alone. for the first time since freshman year.
i cannot describe how depressing this is
right now, my parents are watching the same TV show—ANTIQUES ROADSHOW, no less—on separate couches, in separate rooms. they’re sitting about thirty feet from each other. dear god, baby jesus, buddha, WHOEVER: please don’t ever let this happen to me.
no, fuck that. i’m vowing, right here and now, that i will never let this happen to me. i promise, to my future self and my future...
“god dammit, i miss you something awful.”
– B
fuck you. no, you don’t miss me. you miss having me around, to make you breakfast and scratch your head when you’re stressed; you miss the certainty of knowing that i love you. how can you possibly miss me, and the awful chaos that we created, when you have someone wonderful and...
can't sleep
i have always sort of self-identified as a hopeless romantic, but that’s kind of an embarrassing and cliché thing to admit, in this era of skepticism and sarcasm and one-night-stands. so i never really talked or thought about it much.
well, i just had this insomniac realization and you know what? i’ve decided i really like being a hopeless romantic. i don’t mean in the sense of...
“if you walk away, i’ll walk away
first tell me which road you will take...”
– bright eyes
it’s been almost a month since we’ve spoken. i still miss you. since i last saw B.
i have to stop thinking like i’m talking to him; like he’s somehow going to stumble across this diary and recognize my words, and realize how heartbroken i still am. as if...
hi; hello; hi
let’s try this once more.